New Version of Bing Blang Blaow (Dr. Seuss Style)

Lyrics:

Sit down, pour a drink,
Ive a story to tell
Bout a villain who plays
Heads-Up 50 NL.

Id been crushing the game,
Had a big winning session.
Zigging and zagging
With guile and aggression.

Just fifteen more minutes
Fore hitting the sack,
When a new guy sat in,
With a full fifty stack.

We traded some pots
But then I flopped three threes.
A bet, raise and call
Just as fast as you please.

On the turn he snap-called
The huge bet that I made,
But then donk-shoved the river,
Which had brought the third spade.

I called and he showed down
A flush, seven-high,
And then raked in the chips.
Just keep chasing, thought I.

Then shrugged and reloaded –
Im used to hard knocks.
But thats when these words
Popped up in the chat box:

MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
I JUST TOOK YOUR MONEY
I TOOK IT, AND HOW!

COULD HAVE USED IT FOR FOOD
BUT NOW IVE GOT YOUR FIDDY!
THINK ILL CASH IT AND RUB-
RUB-RUB-RUB ON MY T1TTY!

My jaw hit the ground.
I bit off a retort.
No need to trade barbs
With this douchey poor sport.

Id get it all back
Plus more with no guilt.
Takes more than one beat
To put this pro on tilt.

Didnt have to wait long
Made a big overbet
But top pair no good
This time HE had the set.

MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
IT LOOKS LIKE IVE FOUND
A PERSONAL CASH COW!

YOU THINK IM A DONKEY,
YOU THINK IM A NOOB.
BUT WITH TWO FIDDY DOLLARS,
IVE GOT ONE FOR EACH BOOB!

Did he really say that?
Was this some kind of joke?
Thats one more full buy-in
To go up in smoke!

No worries, hed find out
With whom hed been messin.
Twas time to dig in,
Teach this A-hole a lesson!

I asked him to open
One more table or two.
Cant lose since hes playing
81 / 62!

In ten minutes things
Went from awful to worst
And another three buy-ins
Had followed the first.

Who was this fool,
This lunatic punk?
Was he cheating somehow?
Was he high? Was he drunk?

My suited Ace-Queen,
Got run down by Ace-Deuce.
Had to listen again
To his verbal abuse.

Gnashing my teeth,
I tried to ignore
The bile coming from
This delusional whore.

But my bluffs got picked off,
And my traps went unsprung.
Until finally I just
Could not hold my tongue.

So far Id played nice,
Remained civil til now.
But Id had quite enough
Of his dumb BING BLANG BLAOW!

You $%@#-sucking *&^#!
Your mothers a %@&!
Ill find you Ill cut you
For your little stunt!

My fingers were shaking.
I typed out more curses.
But he only responded
With those juvenile verses:

MY NAME IS CH3CKRAISE,
AND I SAY BING BLANG BLAOW!
GOT ENOUGH OF YOUR DOUGH
FOR A HOOKER BY NOW!

REQUEST FOR THE CASH,
A QUICK TRIP TO THE BANK,
AND THEN ILL BE BANGIN
TANISHA THE SKANK!

My descent into madness
Then got out of hand.
By the time it was dawn
Id lost more than a grand.

He finally quit,
And I staggered to bed.
But no sleep did I get
With that song in my head.

An entire months profits –
Flushed down the tube!
Or rather, got rubbed
On this maniacs boob.

Let this be a lesson,
Dont play in a haze.
Control your emotions
And avoid the Ch3ckraise.

CardRunners Review

Cardrunners is largest online poker training site. I usually get a free membership to Cardrunners for a week or two out of the month and that gives me more than enough time to download the videos Im interested in and watch them at my leisure.

The Good

1. Cardrunners probably has the biggest selection of HU videos 94 videos in all.  You can get to the HU video section by clicking on the Advanced Search Options link.

CardRunners Search

2.  CardRunners has a killer lineup of heads up instructors including CTS, Green Plastic, INTERNET POKERS, sbrugby, Stinger, and MasterLJ.

The Bad

1. You cant sort the search results.  It would be really nice to be able to sort the videos by the average rating.

2.  You cant see how many people rated a video.  Id rather watch a video whose average rating is 9.2 with 100 votes than a video whose average rating 9.3 with 2 votes.

3.  You cant put the videos on your iPhone (damn DRM protection).

The Ugly

1.  Its a bit hard to stay motivated to watch an hour long video when I want to get in there and start playing.  Im not quite sure why an hour long video is the industry standard.

2.  The $99 setup fee sucks.

3.  Doesnt really make sense to pay $27.99 every single month.  Theres just not a whole lot of new HU videos being released monthly.

What do you think about CardRunners?  What are your favorite videos?